Well, here i am. im not dead yet, thank you very much.
long time since i last blogged, mostly cos ive been really busy with school. and college. and cross country. and.. well.. yeah. lots of stuff.
anyway, my competitive gaming streak has pretty much grinded to a halt, cos of the mounting pressures to meet deadlines and college application stuff.
i got a progress report for chem, cos im not performing well. which is perfectly understandable that i get the report, but it doesnt stop it from really sucking anyway. im getting another one for my extended essay, but thats just cos i didnt show everything i needed to show, thats all sorted, but id rather not let my folks see that til after the chem one is over. as it is the chemy report is going to be a doozy.
i just finished doing some SAT preperation. the exam takes place at school this weekend. thats going to be fun; 5 hours of non stop math, english and writing action! tune in saturday the 6th!
i hate this.
ah well, its not like im going to slit my wrist just to get this over with. thats for the near sighted ones. ive suffered this far along life, why stop now?
and it really doesnt help that my folks think that im not appreciative of them and what they do for me. oh really now?
its not like i dont try, its just that they dont see. pfft. whatever. stuff that. if they dont see it thats ok, as long as i do it, thats enough for me. i dont need recognition for it. the attempt to honor my parents is already hard enough as it is, considering ive got a super duper sister to live up to.
my grades suck, hence my dad loses sleep. oh gee now, thats horrible innit. its not like im not trying. now he has to go off and overreact about it. i know its not good, but its not bad either. he chooses to fret over it while im slogging away in a vain effort to make him happy. i could fucking own this rock in space and hed be like 'but he doesnt own the sun.' and it doesnt help that he doesnt listen to my college advisor in school and pretty much insists that im a doomed project.
well now why not just throw me outta the house? itll be soo much cheaper to finance one child anyway. i figure the sister is a better bet at any rate. im just not cut out for this stuff. and my parents have to worry so much. i dunno. am i really worth all the effort? im trying hard,i really am, but no one seems to think so.
i know my best isnt enough, so why do i keep trying? hah i sound like some kind of cliche emo kid. but these questions are fairly real to me.
i try hard to bring my grades up, but its not like i can take some magical pill (yknow that pill, the one that all the comic books talk about). and another thing is once something comes up, the folks expect IMMEDIATE improvement. learn from the lesson straight off and work to be better. thats all good and jolly, but if i were you, id actually wait for a week so that the fucking report of my improvement can actually come through.
i mean, they read the report that im not doing well, and INSTANTLY (by instant i mean the second they take their eyes off the report) expect me to be improving right before their eyes. and get sooo down when i dont start glowing an aura of improvement as they watch me.
i try i try, but its not good enough. with that in mind, i still work to improve my grades. maybe ill get there by the end of the year, i hope i do. im definately working towards it.
i dunno, no one really seems to appreciate what i do and what i try for. its all "either you're there or you're not," yknow?
"we dont care how you do it, but just get there, and get there now."
well, shit. that would be easy now, wouldnt it. just get up and get smart, in the realtime space of 2 seconds. thanks. ill be sure to do that.
oh look! ive gotten smarter. in the space of 5 seconds. "too long! do it faster"
ahh stuff it.
go outside and play you idiot. why are you reading this blog? its not like ive got anything to say thats important. not to you, at any rate.
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Hiking Mt Fuji~
Well, for the most part, it sucked. i mean, me n my dad were trudging all the way up this stupid mountain (dormant volcano) in the middle of the night, we're exhausted, hungry, thirsty, we can't see anything for the life of us, and most of all, we were just out of SHAPE. hahahaa~
but the drive there in the bus itself was fairly pleasant. the landscape was pretty cool except for the bus driverdudes head constantly in the way.
well, anyway, we didnt see much for the first few hours of the hike (it being 9 in the middle of the night n all. this is pretty much what we saw.
^ and only with excessive lighting from the nearby hut.
well, anyway the hike was hard and tedious at the beginning. everyone was pretty much drenched in sweat near the beginning (we would soon run out of sweat to drench ourselves with).
soon, the rest of our small group left me n my dad behind, cos we were trailing behind~ so me and my dad struggled up the mountain (dormant effin' volcano) step by step, it reached a point we were so exhausted that we took about 10 steps and stopped for a few minutes, then 10 steps, and another few minutes. i didnt tihnk we would reach the summit, and we never did. but it wasnt really due to time constraints to catch the sunrise that we didnt make it up there. 3.30 in the morning the wind picked up into some serious speed (God was trying to toss us off the volcano, i swear), and grit, ash, dirt and all its other cousins of similar fine grain began to assail us. we seeked shelter in a nearby hut-thing. forget what they're called.
grit traveling at half the speed of light, right into our eyes.
anyway, so me and my dad werent going to the summit, what with the miserable winds raging outside carrying its torrent of ash. i was a little disillusioned at first; i wouldnt catch the sunrise.
(which wasnt really true. we were trekking up the east side of the mountain and caught the sunrise in its full glory)
Also, it turned out to be ok 'cos some of dads friends went to the summit, but didnt get a good catch on the sunrise, cos of the huge number of people who had the same idea (as it was put; "traffic in Housten"), the only thing we missed out at the summit was the stamp on our hikin' sticks~
We were, however, gawking at these senior citizens who came in soon after us under similar circumstances; getting the heck out of the "severe weather conditions." now it would've been alright, cos they bought some of the places extremely overpriced drink and food.
and 60miuntes of rest (no sleeping) was 1000yen/hour
hangin' out in that hut. with food and drink! (see above for prices)
but on our way down, it wasnt so bad, i caught a gianourmous number of pictures of the surrounding scenery on the decent. to be honest, i was wearing what one would call a "shit-eating grin" pretty much the whole way down. the sun was shining, i even heard the birds singing. it was a pleasant walk down. except for the fact that every step i took jarred my legs. so my knees were hurting and my heels were aching.
Anyway there was grit in our eyes for most of the trip, and it really sucked. i was practically crying dirt n water. yes. it was and remains disgusting to me, too.
For most of the hike, me and dad were just kinda sitting around recuperating and just thinking about the massive distance we had to cover (300 meters was 1.5 hours. it was horrible.) and we got home, sweating, smelly, exhausted, and injured (blisters, knee impact injury and the like), and with more than a couple new tears in our clothing. it really sucked as a trip.
But it didnt really matter. I got to spend time with my dad~
we dont spend that many times doing something supercool and awesome, but every moment i get to hang out with my dad just doing random stuff is good enough for me. Now, my dad hates hiking, and doubtless hated this one. but halfway through the despair filled climb i realized that my dad was simply doing this to spend time with me, and give me some memories, which he did, of course. He did an awesome thing, just getting on that moutain with me, and taking care of me as we climbed, making sure that i was ok, paying obscene prices for drink and food that would doubtless revitalize me from my moments of complete despair (really, i was hoping id never have to go higher or lower, just find one of the damned huts and ask to live in there. it sounds funny now. you try getting stuck on a volcano without being able to feel your legs for exhaustion or your hands for cold. cant see straight cos of the flying grit, cant think straight cos of the combination of all, see if you have any thoughts, if you can even think at all.)
I dunno, the time on Fuji was one of great hardship for both of us, and we both came off complaining the life out of it, but i told dad that we'de find something about it that was good sooner or later. but at that time i already knew what was good from that trip.
I got to spend time with my dad doing something different. yknow not just our talks in the kitchen (which i like, too) or the lectures (a little less than the talks). i dunno. its something great about hiking up a mountain with a dad who doesnt want to do it. i tried really hard not to cry on that mountain when the realization hit me, dad asked me if i was catching the flu. i said i was having the snivles.
The man who climbed a mountain for me.
My hero.
My Dad~
~~
but the drive there in the bus itself was fairly pleasant. the landscape was pretty cool except for the bus driverdudes head constantly in the way.
well, anyway, we didnt see much for the first few hours of the hike (it being 9 in the middle of the night n all. this is pretty much what we saw.
^ and only with excessive lighting from the nearby hut.
well, anyway the hike was hard and tedious at the beginning. everyone was pretty much drenched in sweat near the beginning (we would soon run out of sweat to drench ourselves with).
soon, the rest of our small group left me n my dad behind, cos we were trailing behind~ so me and my dad struggled up the mountain (dormant effin' volcano) step by step, it reached a point we were so exhausted that we took about 10 steps and stopped for a few minutes, then 10 steps, and another few minutes. i didnt tihnk we would reach the summit, and we never did. but it wasnt really due to time constraints to catch the sunrise that we didnt make it up there. 3.30 in the morning the wind picked up into some serious speed (God was trying to toss us off the volcano, i swear), and grit, ash, dirt and all its other cousins of similar fine grain began to assail us. we seeked shelter in a nearby hut-thing. forget what they're called.
grit traveling at half the speed of light, right into our eyes.
anyway, so me and my dad werent going to the summit, what with the miserable winds raging outside carrying its torrent of ash. i was a little disillusioned at first; i wouldnt catch the sunrise.
(which wasnt really true. we were trekking up the east side of the mountain and caught the sunrise in its full glory)
Also, it turned out to be ok 'cos some of dads friends went to the summit, but didnt get a good catch on the sunrise, cos of the huge number of people who had the same idea (as it was put; "traffic in Housten"), the only thing we missed out at the summit was the stamp on our hikin' sticks~
We were, however, gawking at these senior citizens who came in soon after us under similar circumstances; getting the heck out of the "severe weather conditions." now it would've been alright, cos they bought some of the places extremely overpriced drink and food.
and 60miuntes of rest (no sleeping) was 1000yen/hour
hangin' out in that hut. with food and drink! (see above for prices)
but on our way down, it wasnt so bad, i caught a gianourmous number of pictures of the surrounding scenery on the decent. to be honest, i was wearing what one would call a "shit-eating grin" pretty much the whole way down. the sun was shining, i even heard the birds singing. it was a pleasant walk down. except for the fact that every step i took jarred my legs. so my knees were hurting and my heels were aching.
Anyway there was grit in our eyes for most of the trip, and it really sucked. i was practically crying dirt n water. yes. it was and remains disgusting to me, too.
For most of the hike, me and dad were just kinda sitting around recuperating and just thinking about the massive distance we had to cover (300 meters was 1.5 hours. it was horrible.) and we got home, sweating, smelly, exhausted, and injured (blisters, knee impact injury and the like), and with more than a couple new tears in our clothing. it really sucked as a trip.
But it didnt really matter. I got to spend time with my dad~
we dont spend that many times doing something supercool and awesome, but every moment i get to hang out with my dad just doing random stuff is good enough for me. Now, my dad hates hiking, and doubtless hated this one. but halfway through the despair filled climb i realized that my dad was simply doing this to spend time with me, and give me some memories, which he did, of course. He did an awesome thing, just getting on that moutain with me, and taking care of me as we climbed, making sure that i was ok, paying obscene prices for drink and food that would doubtless revitalize me from my moments of complete despair (really, i was hoping id never have to go higher or lower, just find one of the damned huts and ask to live in there. it sounds funny now. you try getting stuck on a volcano without being able to feel your legs for exhaustion or your hands for cold. cant see straight cos of the flying grit, cant think straight cos of the combination of all, see if you have any thoughts, if you can even think at all.)
I dunno, the time on Fuji was one of great hardship for both of us, and we both came off complaining the life out of it, but i told dad that we'de find something about it that was good sooner or later. but at that time i already knew what was good from that trip.
I got to spend time with my dad doing something different. yknow not just our talks in the kitchen (which i like, too) or the lectures (a little less than the talks). i dunno. its something great about hiking up a mountain with a dad who doesnt want to do it. i tried really hard not to cry on that mountain when the realization hit me, dad asked me if i was catching the flu. i said i was having the snivles.
The man who climbed a mountain for me.
My hero.
My Dad~
~~
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
ah HAH!
Shoot after watching that one show with Cameron Diaz where shes like illiterate, or sometihng, very touching movie.
But thats beside the point, ive always thought Diaz was looked familiar to me~ no i havent met her, it'd be awesome if i could, but i dont think thats gonna happen anytime soon (ever).
And seconds ago i was trying (again) to place where ive seen her, and then someone came online, i glanced over just to check who it was, and for a second i thought "hang on.. i dont even know Diaz.." hahhahaha it sounds lame, i know. but probably would've taken a longer time to place the face if diaz didnt dye her hair brown! its that quirky smile that she has, the super contagious one! its amazing! i managed to trace her back to one of my old friends.
one problem, now. She's across the sea. ><" so thars a dilemma. hahaha~ fantastic one of lifes secrets is revealed.
psh go do something productive with your life. go out and play ball. im going ot mess with the guitar.
Catch~
But thats beside the point, ive always thought Diaz was looked familiar to me~ no i havent met her, it'd be awesome if i could, but i dont think thats gonna happen anytime soon (ever).
And seconds ago i was trying (again) to place where ive seen her, and then someone came online, i glanced over just to check who it was, and for a second i thought "hang on.. i dont even know Diaz.." hahhahaha it sounds lame, i know. but probably would've taken a longer time to place the face if diaz didnt dye her hair brown! its that quirky smile that she has, the super contagious one! its amazing! i managed to trace her back to one of my old friends.
one problem, now. She's across the sea. ><" so thars a dilemma. hahaha~ fantastic one of lifes secrets is revealed.
psh go do something productive with your life. go out and play ball. im going ot mess with the guitar.
Catch~
Monday, July 30, 2007
Live messenger and its people.
Seriously. I see people on my windows live messenger with those stupid square brackets. obviously its a sad attempt to fancify their name. for example;
[c=57] Name [/c][b/]: [b] whatever [b/]
Whatever whatever. its pretty freakin obvious that they're attempting to break their names and color it with all sorts of primary colors.
Swear to gawd they find all these bogus websites and read and believe it like it was some kind message from heaven (more likely the developers of msn) telling them how to make 'cool colors' and 'awesome breaks' and other 'stupid things to annoy other people with your already ass long names of self expression and whatnot.' i mean, its already hard enough to read your stupid name without having to root through all the brackets and backslashes and hearts and broken hearts and wilted flowers, for gawd sake keep it CLEAR.
hows this?
[c=IT] Name [/cDOESNT][bFREAKEN]: [bWORKc] whatever [bYA/][cASS/]
Ya know, which brings me to my next point; its called a "Display Name" for a reason you turd. seriously, next time i feel like calling you "broken" or "elements of life" or "moonbeam" ill let get a hippy to do it. its not like your parents named you some retardo wonkified name out of the blue.
I mean come ON, i have no idea who the bob you are, ive got no clue HOW i know you, ive got no clue to anything and all because your name in indecipherable.
And when i ask "Hi there~ if i may ask who you are," dont bloody tell me "You dont remember?"
Well flap. i only asked you because i wanted to borrow a cup of sugar. for bob sake just tell me who you are, because its not like i see your name "Crying Girl" or whatever the hell you write in there and think "Ah! it must be her." I know a gazillion crying girls and emotional people and the wannabe emo people and the whatnot, so dont be so naive as to think you're the ONLY freakin crying prat on my msn list. Thats why the "personal message" is there ya blind rats. For, i dont know if you noticed, PERSONAL MESSAGES.
THATS where you stick you crying crap. THATS where you stick your colored sh*t. THATS where you tell people whats personal to you. why? BECAUSE ITS THE PERSONAL MESSAGE SECTION. i hope ive got the clear.
Your email address is another thing many people seem not to understand. its an email address for a reason. its SUPPOSED to be a convenient way to message someone and keep in contact. the time it takes for someone to tell another person what they're email address is like killing a cow in slow motion, flap, you never GET there.
Heres a conversation i heard, and its not accurate, cos im pulling this out of memory. but you'll get the idea;
the email address K_ljpY_-..-_ 1990 @ imaretardformakingsuchacomplicatedassemailaddress[dot] ass
"So can i have your email addresss?"
"sure its capital kay underscore ell jay pee capital why, underscore then a dash then two periods's then dash, then underscore again then nineteen ninety at dot ass.
"Im sorry i didnt catch that, could you repeat that?"
And then it goes on for another good 20 minutes for the retard to get the message across. geez, the public mailing system could have gotten to the house 6 times by snail mail by the time they finally get the email address straight, and sometimes they dont even get it right. heck ive met people who dont even remember their own stinking email addresses, with the excuse "Its too complicated" as if they should be proud of being an ass.
And for goodness sake LOSE THE EMOTICONS in normal conversations. your pictures are smaller than the size of a peanut in full bloom. its not like i can see the tiny little "Haha" in the top left corner, behind the tortise and panda and the tears that come out of the drainpipe eyes etc etc. It takes up the entire stinking picture, and those tiny little anime characters piss me off with their stupid twisted emotions. who the hell cries that much while they laugh they're heads off?! i mean seriously, give me one example right here. "My friend" doesnt really count, cos MY friend can leap buildings in a single bound and open the soup can with his ass.
And if you find this blog and you read it, and you're one of those people who do alll that crap on msn live, do everyone a favour and make a readable and easily identifiable name, your emails addresses have no meaning whatsoever most of the time , i mean, what the hell is wrong with just sticking your first name, then last name? if its taken, just stick something on the end that has sentimental value. not that hard is it?
And if you find this blog and read it, and you're one of those people, as opposed to that ^ lot, are unwilling to make changes to your 'self expression' and think im a putz, Bite Me.
If you're reading this blog and what ive said has no impact whatsoever on your life (hope it doesnt, id rather not discover anyone angrier than me right now), and having a laugh at what ive written; go outside and do something productive. go get a drink with your friends or whatever.
Catch~
[c=57] Name [/c][b/]: [b] whatever [b/]
Whatever whatever. its pretty freakin obvious that they're attempting to break their names and color it with all sorts of primary colors.
Swear to gawd they find all these bogus websites and read and believe it like it was some kind message from heaven (more likely the developers of msn) telling them how to make 'cool colors' and 'awesome breaks' and other 'stupid things to annoy other people with your already ass long names of self expression and whatnot.' i mean, its already hard enough to read your stupid name without having to root through all the brackets and backslashes and hearts and broken hearts and wilted flowers, for gawd sake keep it CLEAR.
hows this?
[c=IT] Name [/cDOESNT][bFREAKEN]: [bWORKc] whatever [bYA/][cASS/]
Ya know, which brings me to my next point; its called a "Display Name" for a reason you turd. seriously, next time i feel like calling you "broken" or "elements of life" or "moonbeam" ill let get a hippy to do it. its not like your parents named you some retardo wonkified name out of the blue.
I mean come ON, i have no idea who the bob you are, ive got no clue HOW i know you, ive got no clue to anything and all because your name in indecipherable.
And when i ask "Hi there~ if i may ask who you are," dont bloody tell me "You dont remember?"
Well flap. i only asked you because i wanted to borrow a cup of sugar. for bob sake just tell me who you are, because its not like i see your name "Crying Girl" or whatever the hell you write in there and think "Ah! it must be her." I know a gazillion crying girls and emotional people and the wannabe emo people and the whatnot, so dont be so naive as to think you're the ONLY freakin crying prat on my msn list. Thats why the "personal message" is there ya blind rats. For, i dont know if you noticed, PERSONAL MESSAGES.
THATS where you stick you crying crap. THATS where you stick your colored sh*t. THATS where you tell people whats personal to you. why? BECAUSE ITS THE PERSONAL MESSAGE SECTION. i hope ive got the clear.
Your email address is another thing many people seem not to understand. its an email address for a reason. its SUPPOSED to be a convenient way to message someone and keep in contact. the time it takes for someone to tell another person what they're email address is like killing a cow in slow motion, flap, you never GET there.
Heres a conversation i heard, and its not accurate, cos im pulling this out of memory. but you'll get the idea;
the email address K_ljpY_-..-_ 1990 @ imaretardformakingsuchacomplicatedassemailaddress[dot] ass
"So can i have your email addresss?"
"sure its capital kay underscore ell jay pee capital why, underscore then a dash then two periods's then dash, then underscore again then nineteen ninety at
"Im sorry i didnt catch that, could you repeat that?"
And then it goes on for another good 20 minutes for the retard to get the message across. geez, the public mailing system could have gotten to the house 6 times by snail mail by the time they finally get the email address straight, and sometimes they dont even get it right. heck ive met people who dont even remember their own stinking email addresses, with the excuse "Its too complicated" as if they should be proud of being an ass.
And for goodness sake LOSE THE EMOTICONS in normal conversations. your pictures are smaller than the size of a peanut in full bloom. its not like i can see the tiny little "Haha" in the top left corner, behind the tortise and panda and the tears that come out of the drainpipe eyes etc etc. It takes up the entire stinking picture, and those tiny little anime characters piss me off with their stupid twisted emotions. who the hell cries that much while they laugh they're heads off?! i mean seriously, give me one example right here. "My friend" doesnt really count, cos MY friend can leap buildings in a single bound and open the soup can with his ass.
And if you find this blog and you read it, and you're one of those people who do alll that crap on msn live, do everyone a favour and make a readable and easily identifiable name, your emails addresses have no meaning whatsoever most of the time , i mean, what the hell is wrong with just sticking your first name, then last name? if its taken, just stick something on the end that has sentimental value. not that hard is it?
And if you find this blog and read it, and you're one of those people, as opposed to that ^ lot, are unwilling to make changes to your 'self expression' and think im a putz, Bite Me.
If you're reading this blog and what ive said has no impact whatsoever on your life (hope it doesnt, id rather not discover anyone angrier than me right now), and having a laugh at what ive written; go outside and do something productive. go get a drink with your friends or whatever.
Catch~
Monday, July 23, 2007
Friends
Remember that show?
yeah. I had a Ross the other day. on my left cheek. it hurt to sit down. just thought the world should know.
haha now try to eat your dinner!
Catch~
yeah. I had a Ross the other day. on my left cheek. it hurt to sit down. just thought the world should know.
haha now try to eat your dinner!
Catch~
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Packin'
Well, so here i am. packing for japan again. pfft. that month went by pretty fast. kind of a shame, really. won't see malaysia for a year, at the very least. this totally bites. well, i guess i had fun, it could've been worse. im gonna miss the people here. the old friends, and the new ones~
oh well, i suppose thats why we've got skype and msn. i love the future. well, i think ill keep the memories, cos they're nice ones.
on a brighter note, my crazy chem teacher who just makes me want ot jump out the class windows, is pregnant! i thought yknow, as mean as she is, its nice to have a new life in the world.
Also, that means she'll be on leave!! how awesome is that going to be? i mean, itll suck cos we have to adapt to a new teaching method for a few months, but holy smokes, we werent learning anything anyway! i learned more off ritwik (the super duper genius of the grade) during study hall more than anything else!
yeah well. thats the way it goes~
im going to need to work on my essays.. how ghey is that going to be. 4000 words on one and 1500 words on the other. then i gotta work on that chem lab.. oooh. oh well, ill do that when i get back, then brush up on my chem and physics. then relax~ maybe go to the gym and take that SWIM that i wanted to do all summer~
well, i want to come back to msia, theres just too much i didnt do this time around.. especially meeting a couple people that i didnt get to. definately going to be one of the first things i do next time im in town. well, id better keep packing, if im gonna make good time.
Catch~
oh well, i suppose thats why we've got skype and msn. i love the future. well, i think ill keep the memories, cos they're nice ones.
on a brighter note, my crazy chem teacher who just makes me want ot jump out the class windows, is pregnant! i thought yknow, as mean as she is, its nice to have a new life in the world.
Also, that means she'll be on leave!! how awesome is that going to be? i mean, itll suck cos we have to adapt to a new teaching method for a few months, but holy smokes, we werent learning anything anyway! i learned more off ritwik (the super duper genius of the grade) during study hall more than anything else!
yeah well. thats the way it goes~
im going to need to work on my essays.. how ghey is that going to be. 4000 words on one and 1500 words on the other. then i gotta work on that chem lab.. oooh. oh well, ill do that when i get back, then brush up on my chem and physics. then relax~ maybe go to the gym and take that SWIM that i wanted to do all summer~
well, i want to come back to msia, theres just too much i didnt do this time around.. especially meeting a couple people that i didnt get to. definately going to be one of the first things i do next time im in town. well, id better keep packing, if im gonna make good time.
Catch~
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