.. while i was studying physics, i managed to stab myself in the right eye with the corner of my physics text book.
sadly, it was also the same corner with the jagged, ripped plastic.
so yeah. great way to start the day, dont you think?
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
i sound emo now, but screw you if you dont like me.
yeah you heard me.
pfft whatever who am i kidding.
one after another after another. life is throwing me some really fast balls. and where is God now?
oh look! there he is, hes the fellow waving at me as i sink to the bottom of the depths of this one massive faliure that is my life.
gee, thanks for being there. i really like an audience. im probably going to hell now. but quite frankly, the way things are now, i doubt it could get much worse.
so all im doing now is not so much 'waiting for my college application to go through' any more than im 'waiting for it to get rejected' given the way my luck (and divine support) is going now.
its just one of those times i just dont know whether i really want to burden anyone anymore. you think im overreacting? you sit for the IB then. see if you think along the same lines as me.
yeah you heard me.
pfft whatever who am i kidding.
one after another after another. life is throwing me some really fast balls. and where is God now?
oh look! there he is, hes the fellow waving at me as i sink to the bottom of the depths of this one massive faliure that is my life.
gee, thanks for being there. i really like an audience. im probably going to hell now. but quite frankly, the way things are now, i doubt it could get much worse.
so all im doing now is not so much 'waiting for my college application to go through' any more than im 'waiting for it to get rejected' given the way my luck (and divine support) is going now.
its just one of those times i just dont know whether i really want to burden anyone anymore. you think im overreacting? you sit for the IB then. see if you think along the same lines as me.
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Hate going home
Well, here i am. im not dead yet, thank you very much.
long time since i last blogged, mostly cos ive been really busy with school. and college. and cross country. and.. well.. yeah. lots of stuff.
anyway, my competitive gaming streak has pretty much grinded to a halt, cos of the mounting pressures to meet deadlines and college application stuff.
i got a progress report for chem, cos im not performing well. which is perfectly understandable that i get the report, but it doesnt stop it from really sucking anyway. im getting another one for my extended essay, but thats just cos i didnt show everything i needed to show, thats all sorted, but id rather not let my folks see that til after the chem one is over. as it is the chemy report is going to be a doozy.
i just finished doing some SAT preperation. the exam takes place at school this weekend. thats going to be fun; 5 hours of non stop math, english and writing action! tune in saturday the 6th!
i hate this.
ah well, its not like im going to slit my wrist just to get this over with. thats for the near sighted ones. ive suffered this far along life, why stop now?
and it really doesnt help that my folks think that im not appreciative of them and what they do for me. oh really now?
its not like i dont try, its just that they dont see. pfft. whatever. stuff that. if they dont see it thats ok, as long as i do it, thats enough for me. i dont need recognition for it. the attempt to honor my parents is already hard enough as it is, considering ive got a super duper sister to live up to.
my grades suck, hence my dad loses sleep. oh gee now, thats horrible innit. its not like im not trying. now he has to go off and overreact about it. i know its not good, but its not bad either. he chooses to fret over it while im slogging away in a vain effort to make him happy. i could fucking own this rock in space and hed be like 'but he doesnt own the sun.' and it doesnt help that he doesnt listen to my college advisor in school and pretty much insists that im a doomed project.
well now why not just throw me outta the house? itll be soo much cheaper to finance one child anyway. i figure the sister is a better bet at any rate. im just not cut out for this stuff. and my parents have to worry so much. i dunno. am i really worth all the effort? im trying hard,i really am, but no one seems to think so.
i know my best isnt enough, so why do i keep trying? hah i sound like some kind of cliche emo kid. but these questions are fairly real to me.
i try hard to bring my grades up, but its not like i can take some magical pill (yknow that pill, the one that all the comic books talk about). and another thing is once something comes up, the folks expect IMMEDIATE improvement. learn from the lesson straight off and work to be better. thats all good and jolly, but if i were you, id actually wait for a week so that the fucking report of my improvement can actually come through.
i mean, they read the report that im not doing well, and INSTANTLY (by instant i mean the second they take their eyes off the report) expect me to be improving right before their eyes. and get sooo down when i dont start glowing an aura of improvement as they watch me.
i try i try, but its not good enough. with that in mind, i still work to improve my grades. maybe ill get there by the end of the year, i hope i do. im definately working towards it.
i dunno, no one really seems to appreciate what i do and what i try for. its all "either you're there or you're not," yknow?
"we dont care how you do it, but just get there, and get there now."
well, shit. that would be easy now, wouldnt it. just get up and get smart, in the realtime space of 2 seconds. thanks. ill be sure to do that.
oh look! ive gotten smarter. in the space of 5 seconds. "too long! do it faster"
ahh stuff it.
go outside and play you idiot. why are you reading this blog? its not like ive got anything to say thats important. not to you, at any rate.
long time since i last blogged, mostly cos ive been really busy with school. and college. and cross country. and.. well.. yeah. lots of stuff.
anyway, my competitive gaming streak has pretty much grinded to a halt, cos of the mounting pressures to meet deadlines and college application stuff.
i got a progress report for chem, cos im not performing well. which is perfectly understandable that i get the report, but it doesnt stop it from really sucking anyway. im getting another one for my extended essay, but thats just cos i didnt show everything i needed to show, thats all sorted, but id rather not let my folks see that til after the chem one is over. as it is the chemy report is going to be a doozy.
i just finished doing some SAT preperation. the exam takes place at school this weekend. thats going to be fun; 5 hours of non stop math, english and writing action! tune in saturday the 6th!
i hate this.
ah well, its not like im going to slit my wrist just to get this over with. thats for the near sighted ones. ive suffered this far along life, why stop now?
and it really doesnt help that my folks think that im not appreciative of them and what they do for me. oh really now?
its not like i dont try, its just that they dont see. pfft. whatever. stuff that. if they dont see it thats ok, as long as i do it, thats enough for me. i dont need recognition for it. the attempt to honor my parents is already hard enough as it is, considering ive got a super duper sister to live up to.
my grades suck, hence my dad loses sleep. oh gee now, thats horrible innit. its not like im not trying. now he has to go off and overreact about it. i know its not good, but its not bad either. he chooses to fret over it while im slogging away in a vain effort to make him happy. i could fucking own this rock in space and hed be like 'but he doesnt own the sun.' and it doesnt help that he doesnt listen to my college advisor in school and pretty much insists that im a doomed project.
well now why not just throw me outta the house? itll be soo much cheaper to finance one child anyway. i figure the sister is a better bet at any rate. im just not cut out for this stuff. and my parents have to worry so much. i dunno. am i really worth all the effort? im trying hard,i really am, but no one seems to think so.
i know my best isnt enough, so why do i keep trying? hah i sound like some kind of cliche emo kid. but these questions are fairly real to me.
i try hard to bring my grades up, but its not like i can take some magical pill (yknow that pill, the one that all the comic books talk about). and another thing is once something comes up, the folks expect IMMEDIATE improvement. learn from the lesson straight off and work to be better. thats all good and jolly, but if i were you, id actually wait for a week so that the fucking report of my improvement can actually come through.
i mean, they read the report that im not doing well, and INSTANTLY (by instant i mean the second they take their eyes off the report) expect me to be improving right before their eyes. and get sooo down when i dont start glowing an aura of improvement as they watch me.
i try i try, but its not good enough. with that in mind, i still work to improve my grades. maybe ill get there by the end of the year, i hope i do. im definately working towards it.
i dunno, no one really seems to appreciate what i do and what i try for. its all "either you're there or you're not," yknow?
"we dont care how you do it, but just get there, and get there now."
well, shit. that would be easy now, wouldnt it. just get up and get smart, in the realtime space of 2 seconds. thanks. ill be sure to do that.
oh look! ive gotten smarter. in the space of 5 seconds. "too long! do it faster"
ahh stuff it.
go outside and play you idiot. why are you reading this blog? its not like ive got anything to say thats important. not to you, at any rate.
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